I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
