But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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