It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
