I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
