You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
