Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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