i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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