i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
