I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
