the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize