herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
