Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
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and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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