So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
