If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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