**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
