I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.