Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.