Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.