We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.