So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra