literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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