After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
