Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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