There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
