where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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