I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
