so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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