Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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