U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
