i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
