Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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