ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
