Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
