so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this hospital has no fireball
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
