I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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