Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
