I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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