mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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