Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
