Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
