I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
