dude i'm inner monologue high
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
