I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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