okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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