I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
