Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
