I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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