Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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