the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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