I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
