so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
