i think i have herpe
just one?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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