I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
