so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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