Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
