You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is wine microwaveable?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
