Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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