I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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