it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
