I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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