for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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