you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
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i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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