I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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