I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
