Got a toothbrush?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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