sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
